4.3 Nonverbal Communication Competence

As we age, we internalize social and cultural norms related to sending (encoding) and interpreting (decoding) nonverbal communication. In terms of sending, the tendency of children to send unmonitored nonverbal signals reduces as they age and begin to monitor and perhaps censor or mask them (Andersen, 1999). Likewise, as we become more experienced communicators, we think we have become better at interpreting nonverbal messages. In this section, we will discuss some strategies for effectively encoding and decoding nonverbal messages. As we have already learned, we receive little official instruction in nonverbal communication. Still, you can think of this chapter as a training manual to help improve your nonverbal communication competence. As with all aspects of communication, improving your nonverbal communication takes commitment and continued effort. Additionally, once the initial effort is put into improving your nonverbal encoding and decoding skills and those new skills are implemented, you will be encouraged by positive reactions from others. Remember that people enjoy interacting with others skilled at nonverbal encoding and decoding, which will be evident in their reactions, providing further motivation and encouragement to hone your skills.

Guidelines for Sending Nonverbal Messages

First impressions matter. Nonverbal cues account for much of the content from which we form initial impressions, so it is important to know that people make judgments about our identities and skills after only brief exposure. Our competence regarding and awareness of nonverbal communication can help determine how an interaction will proceed and whether it will occur. People skilled at encoding nonverbal messages are more favourably evaluated after initial encounters. This is likely because people who are more nonverbally expressive are more attention-getting and engaging and make people feel more welcome and warm due to increased immediacy behaviours, all of which enhance perceptions of charisma. Understanding the following concepts will aid in your communication competence.

Nonverbal Communication Is Multichannel

Be aware of the multichannel nature of nonverbal communication. We rarely send a nonverbal message in isolation. For example, a posture may be combined with a touch or eye behaviour to create a nonverbal cluster (Pease & Pease, 2017 ). Nonverbal congruence refers to consistency among different nonverbal expressions within a cluster. Congruent nonverbal communication is more credible and effective than ambiguous or conflicting nonverbal cues. Even though you may intend your nonverbal messages to be congruent, they could still be decoded in a way that does not match your intent, especially since nonverbal expressions vary in their degree of conscious encoding. In this sense, the multichannel nature of nonverbal communication creates the potential for decreased credibility and ambiguity.

When we become more aware of our messages, we can monitor for nonverbal signals that are incongruent with other messages or may be perceived as such. Suppose a healthcare professional is talking to a patient about their feelings. In that case, they may lean forward and nod, encoding a combination of body orientation and a head movement that conveys attention. Suppose the health care professional regularly breaks off eye contact and looks anxiously at the door. In that case, the message being sent could be perceived as disinterest, which is incongruent with the overall message of care and concern they probably want to encode. This may also occur in reading the nonverbal communication of a patient. Increasing awareness of the multiple channels through which we send nonverbal cues can help us make our signals more congruent.

Nonverbal Communication Affects Our Interactions

Nonverbal communication affects our own and others’ behaviours and communication. Changing our nonverbal signals can affect our thoughts and emotions. Knowing this gives us more control over our communication trajectory, possibly allowing us to intervene in a negative cycle. For example, suppose you are waiting to check in to see your doctor. If the wait time is very long, and the man in front of you does not have his materials organized and is asking unnecessary questions, you might start to exhibit nonverbal clusters that signal frustration. You might cross your arms, a closing-off gesture, and combine that with wrapping your fingers tightly around one bicep and occasionally squeezing, a self-touch adaptor resulting from anxiety and stress. The longer you stand like that, the more frustrated and defensive you will become because that nonverbal cluster reinforces and heightens your feelings. Increased awareness about these cycles can help you make conscious moves to change your nonverbal communication and, subsequently, your cognitive and emotional states (McKay et al., 1995, p. 54).

Nonverbal Communication Creates Rapport

Humans have evolved an innate urge to mirror each other’s nonverbal behaviour, and although we are not often aware of it, this urge influences our behaviour daily (Pease & Pease, 2017). Think, for example, about how people “fall into formation” when waiting in line. Our nonverbal communication works to create unspoken and subconscious cooperation as people move and behave in similar ways. When one person leans to the left, the next person in line may also lean to the left, and this shift in posture may continue down the line to the end until someone else makes another movement, and the whole line shifts again. This phenomenon is known as mirroring, which refers to the often-subconscious practice of using nonverbal cues to match those around us. Mirroring sends implicit messages to others that say, “Look! I am just like you.” Mirroring evolved as an essential social function, allowing early humans to fit in with larger groups more easily. Logically, early humans who were more successful at mirroring were more likely to secure food, shelter, and security and passed that genetic disposition down to us.

Nonverbal Communication Regulates Conversations

Encoding appropriate turn-taking signals can help us hold the floor when needed or work our way into a conversation smoothly without inappropriately interrupting someone or being seen as rude. People with nonverbal encoding competence are typically more “in control” of conversations. This regulating function can be useful in initial encounters when we are trying to learn more about another person and in situations where status differentials are present or compliance gaining or dominance are goals. Interrupting is generally considered rude and should be avoided, although there can sometimes be an exception for close friends, family, and relational partners. Even though verbal communication is often used to interrupt another person, interruptions are studied chronologically because they interfere with another person’s talk time. Instead of interrupting, you can use nonverbal signals like leaning in, increasing your eye contact, or using a brief gesture such as subtly raising one hand or the index finger to signal to another person that you’d like to take the floor soon.

Nonverbal Communication Relates to Listening

Part of being a good listener involves nonverbal-encoding competence because nonverbal feedback such as head nods, eye contact and posture can signal that a listener is paying attention and that the speaker’s message is received and understood. Active listening, for example, combines good cognitive listening practices with outwardly visible cues that signal to others that we are listening. We all know from experience which nonverbal signals convey attentiveness and which convey a lack of attentiveness. Listeners should avoid distracting movements in the form of self, other, and object adaptors. Being a higher self-monitor can help you catch nonverbal signals that might signal that you are not listening, at which point you could consciously switch to more active listening signals.

Increase Your Competence in Specific Channels of Nonverbal Communication

While it is important to recognize that we send nonverbal signals through multiple channels simultaneously, we can also increase our nonverbal communication competence by becoming more aware of how it operates in specific channels. Although no one can truly offer you a rulebook on effectively sending every type of nonverbal signal, several nonverbal guidebooks are written from more anecdotal and less academic perspectives. While these books vary tremendously in credibility and quality, some, like Pease and Pease’s The Definitive Book of Body Language (2017), are informative and interesting to read.

In the previous section, we covered a number of concepts pertaining to nonverbal communication. In the section below, strategies for application are presented.

Kinesics

The following guidelines may help you more effectively encode nonverbal messages sent using your hands, arms, body, and face.

Gestures

• Illustrators make our verbal communication more engaging. We recommend that people conducting phone interviews or communicating via telephone make an effort to gesture as they speak, even though people cannot see the gestures, because it will make their words more engaging.
• Adaptors are unconscious body movements that help individuals adapt to an immediate or uncomfortable situation (Beebe et al., 2018).  They include but are not limited to twirling hair, fidgeting in a seat, and playing with jewelry (Adler et al., 2020). Adaptors can hurt your credibility in professional situations, as they may communicate nervousness and lack of confidence. Consider your standard adaptors and monitor them to avoid creating unfavourable impressions.
• Gestures include movements of hands and arms that send messages about your emotional state (Adler et al., 2020). Since many gestures are spontaneous or subconscious, raising awareness and monitoring them is essential. Be aware that clenched hands may signal aggression or anger, nail biting or fidgeting may signal nervousness, and finger tapping may signal boredom.

Eye Contact

• Culture, status, gender, age, and setting can influence eye contact. Eye contact is helpful in initiating and regulating conversations. To make sure someone is available for interaction and to avoid being perceived as rude, it is usually a good idea to “catch their eye” before you start talking to them.
• Avoiding eye contact or shifting your eye contact from place to place can make others think you are deceptive or inattentive. Minimize distractions by moving a clock, closing a door, or closing window blinds to help minimize distractions that may lure your eye contact away.

Facial Expressions

• Facial expressions manage the expression of emotions to intensify what you are feeling, diminish what you are feeling, cover up what you are feeling, express a different emotion than you are feeling, or simulate an emotion you are not feeling (Adler et al., 2020).
• Be aware of the power of emotional contagion, or the spread of emotion from one person to another. Since facial expressions are key for emotional communication, you may be able to strategically use your facial expressions to cheer someone up, lighten a mood, or create a more serious and sombre tone.
• Smiles are especially powerful as an immediacy behaviour and a rapport-building tool. When appropriate, smiles can help disarm a potentially hostile person or de-escalate the conflict.

Haptics

The following guidelines may help you more effectively encode nonverbal signals using touch:

• Remember that culture, status, gender, age, and setting influence how we send and interpret touch messages.
• In professional and social settings, touching others on the arm or shoulder is generally okay. Although we might touch others on the arm or shoulder with our hand, it is often too intimate to touch our hand to another person’s hand in a professional or social/casual setting.

These are types of touch to avoid (Andersen, 1999):

• Avoid touching strangers unless being introduced or offering assistance.
• Avoid hurtful touches and apologize if they occur, even if accidentally.
• Avoid startling or surprising another person with your touch.
• Avoid interrupting touches such as hugging someone while they are talking to someone else.
• Avoid moving people out of the way with only touch — pair your touch with a verbal message such as “excuse me.”
• Avoid overly aggressive touch, especially when disguised as playful (e.g., horseplay taken too far).
• Avoid combining touch with negative criticism; a hand on the shoulder during a critical statement can increase a person’s defensiveness and make them seem condescending or aggressive.

Vocalics

The following guidelines may help you more effectively encode nonverbal signals using paralanguage.

• Vocal variety increases listener and speaker engagement, understanding, information recall, and motivation. Having a more expressive voice that varies appropriately in rate, pitch, and volume can help you achieve communication goals related to maintaining attention, effectively conveying information, and getting others to act in a particular way.

Proxemics

The following may help you more effectively encode nonverbal signals related to interpersonal distances.

• When breaches of personal space occur, it is a social norm to make nonverbal adjustments such as lowering our level of immediacy, changing our body orientations, and using objects to separate ourselves from others. To reduce immediacy, we engage in civil inattention and reduce the eye contact we make with others. We also shift the front of our body away from others since it has most of our sensory inputs and allows access to body parts considered vulnerable, such as the stomach, face, and genitals (Andersen, 1999). When we cannot shift our bodies, we often use coats, bags, books, or hands to physically separate or block off the front of our bodies from others.

Chronemics

The following guideline may help you more effectively encode time-related nonverbal signals.

• Regarding talk time and turn-taking, research shows that people who take a little longer with their turn, holding the floor slightly longer than normal, are seen as more credible than people who talk too much or too little (Andersen, 1999).
• Our lateness or promptness can send messages about our professionalism, dependability, or other personality traits. Formal time usually applies to professional situations where we are expected to be on time or even a few minutes early. You would not generally want to be late for class, work, a job interview, a medical appointment, etcetera. Informal time applies to casual and interpersonal situations where there is much more variation in expectations for promptness.
• Balancing personal quality time is an important part of interpersonal relationships. Sometimes time has to be budgeted so that it can be saved and spent with certain people or on certain occasions — such as date nights for couples or family time for parents and children or other relatives.

Personal Presentation and Environment

The following guidelines may help you more effectively encode nonverbal signals related to personal presentation and environment.

• Recognize that personal presentation carries much weight in terms of initial impressions. Hence, meeting the expectations and social norms for dress, grooming, and other artifactual communication is especially important for impression management.
• Recognize that some environments facilitate communication, and some do not. A traditional front-facing business or educational setup is designed for one person to communicate with a larger audience. Students in large classrooms or lecture halls cannot as easily interact with each other because they cannot see each other face-to-face without turning. When appropriate, placing individuals in a horseshoe or circular arrangement allows everyone to make eye contact and facilitates interaction.
• Where you choose to sit can also impact perceived characteristics and leadership decisions. Individuals who sit at the head or center of a table are often chosen to be leaders by others because of their nonverbal accessibility — a decision that may have more to do with where the person chose to sit than the person’s perceived or actual leadership abilities. Research has found that juries often select their foreperson based on where he or she happens to sit (Andersen, 1999). Keep this in mind the next time you take your seat at a meeting.

Guidelines for Interpreting Nonverbal Messages

We learn to decode or interpret nonverbal messages through practice and internalizing social norms. Following these suggestions to become a better encoder of nonverbal communication will lead to better decoding competence through increased awareness. Since nonverbal communication is more ambiguous than verbal communication, we must interpret these cues as clusters within contexts.

There Is No Nonverbal Dictionary

The first guideline for decoding nonverbal communication is to realize there is no nonverbal dictionary. Some nonverbal scholars and many nonverbal skill trainers have tried to catalog nonverbal communication the same way we do verbal communication to create dictionary-like guides that people can use to interpret nonverbal signals. Although those guides may contain many valid “rules” of nonverbal communication, those rules are always relative to the individual, social, and cultural contexts in which an interaction occurs.

Recognize That Certain Nonverbal Signals Are Related

The second guideline for decoding nonverbal signals is recognizing that specific nonverbal signals are related. Nonverbal rulebooks are ineffective because they typically view a nonverbal signal in isolation, similar to how dictionaries separately list denotative definitions of words. We can look at them as progressive or layered to get a more nuanced understanding of the meaning behind nonverbal cues. For example, people engaging in negative critical evaluation of a speaker may cross their legs, one arm over their stomach, and put the other arm up so the index finger rests close to the eye. In contrast, the chin rests on the thumb (Pease & Pease, 2004, p. 22). A person would not likely perform all those signals simultaneously. Instead, they would likely start with one and then layer in more cues as the feelings intensified. If we notice that a person is starting to build related signals such as the ones above onto one another, we might be able to intervene in the negative reaction that is building. Of course, as nonverbal cues are layered on, they may contradict other signals, so we can turn to context clues to aid our interpretation.

Read Nonverbal Cues in Context

People also have idiosyncratic [unique to an individual] nonverbal behaviours, which create an individual context that varies with each person. Even though we generally fit into certain social and cultural patterns, some people deviate from those norms. For example, some cultures tend toward less touching and greater interpersonal distances during interactions. Canadians fall into this general category, but some people were socialized into these norms as individuals, deviate from them and might touch more and stand closer to others while conversing. As the idiosyncratic communicator inches toward his or her conversational partner, the partner may inch back to reestablish the interpersonal distance norm. Such deviations may make people misinterpret sexual or romantic interests or feel uncomfortable. While these actions could indicate such interest, they could also be idiosyncratic. These individual differences can increase the ambiguity of nonverbal communication, as noted, but when observed over time, they can help us generate meaning. Try to compare situational observed nonverbal cues to a person’s typical or baseline nonverbal behaviour to help avoid misinterpretation. Sometimes, it is impossible to know what sorts of individual nonverbal behaviours or idiosyncrasies people have because there is no relational history. In such cases, we must turn to our knowledge about specific types of nonverbal communication or draw from more general contextual knowledge.

Interpreting Cues within Specific Channels

When nonverbal cues are ambiguous or contextual clues do not help interpret nonverbal clusters, we may have to look at nonverbal behaviours within specific channels. Remember that the following tips are not hard and fast rules and are usually more meaningful when adapted according to a specific person or context. In addition, many of the suggestions in the section on encoding competence can be adapted to decoding.

Kinesics

Pease and Pease (2004) have identified several common nonverbal behaviours related to body expressions and eye contact:

Gestures

• While it does not always mean an individual is honest, displaying palms is largely unconsciously encoded and decoded as a sign of openness and truthfulness (p. 27). Conversely, crossing your arms in front of your chest is decoded almost everywhere as a negative gesture that conveys defensiveness (p. 90).
• We typically decode people putting their hands in their pockets as a gesture that indicates shyness or discomfort. Men often subconsciously put their hands in their pockets when they do not want to participate in a conversation (p. 34). But displaying the thumb or thumbs while the rest of the hand is in the pocket signals a dominant or authoritative attitude (p. 121).
• Nervous communicators may have distracting mannerisms in the form of adaptors that you will likely need to tune out to focus more on other verbal and nonverbal cues.

Head Movements and Posture

• The head leaning over and being supported by a hand can typically be decoded as a sign of boredom (p. 155), the thumb supporting the chin and the index finger touching the head close to the temple or eye as a sign of negative evaluative thoughts (p.157), and the chin stroke as a sign that an individual is going through a decision-making process (p. 58).
• In terms of seated posture, leaning back is usually decoded as a sign of informality and indifference (p. 243), straddling a chair as a sign of dominance (but also some insecurity because the individual is protecting the vulnerable front part of his or her body, p. 244), and leaning forward as a signal of interest and attentiveness (p. 234).

Eye Contact

• When someone is avoiding eye contact, do not immediately assume they are not listening or are hiding something, especially if you are conveying complex or surprising information. Since looking away also signals cognitive activity, they may be processing information, and you may need to pause and ask if they need a second to think or if they need you to repeat or explain anything more.
• A “sideways glance,” which entails keeping the head and face pointed straight ahead while focusing the eyes to the left or right, has multiple contradictory meanings ranging from interest to uncertainty to hostility. When the sideways glance is paired with a slightly raised eyebrow or smile, it is a sign of interest. When combined with a furrowed brow, it generally conveys uncertainty. But add a frown to that mix can signal hostility.

Facial Expressions

• Recognize discrepancies between facial expressions, nonverbal gestures, and verbal communication. Since facial expressions are often subconscious, they may indicate incongruency within a speaker’s message. You may need to follow up with questions or consider contextual clues to increase your understanding.

Haptics

• Consider the status and power dynamics involved in touch. People who have or feel they have more social power in a situation typically engage more in touching behaviour than those with less social power. So you may decode a touch from a professor differently from that of a classmate or colleague.

Vocalics

• People often decode personality traits from a person’s vocal quality. A person’s vocal signature generally results from their neck, head, and mouth physiology. Therefore, a nasal or deep voice may not have any relevant meaning within an interaction. Do not focus on something unpleasant or pleasant about someone’s voice; focus on the content rather than the vocal quality.

Proxemics

The size of a person’s “territory” often speaks to that person’s status. At universities, deans may have suites; department chairs may have large offices with multiple sitting areas; lower-ranked professors may have “cozier” offices stuffed with books and file cabinets; and adjunct instructors may have a shared office or desk or no office space at all.

Since infringements on others’ territory can arouse angry reactions and even lead to violence (think of the countless stories of neighbours fighting over a fence or tree), be sensitive to territorial markers. In secondary and public territories, look for informal markers such as drinks, books, or jackets and respect them when possible.

Personal Presentation and Environment

Be aware of the physical attractiveness bias, which leads people to sometimes mistakenly equate attractiveness with goodness (Hargie, 2011, p. 81). A person’s attractive or unattractive physical presentation can lead to irrelevant decoding distracting from other, more meaningful, nonverbal cues.

Detecting Deception

Although people rely more on nonverbal than verbal communication to determine whether or not a person is being deceptive, there is no set profile of deceptive behaviour that you can use to create your nonverbally-based lie detector. Research finds that people generally perceive themselves as suitable detectors of deception. Still, when tested, they only accurately detect deception at levels a little higher than they would by random chance. Since deception is widespread, it is estimated that we only detect about half the lies we are told, meaning we all operate on false information without even being aware of it. Although this may disappoint those of you who like to think of yourselves as human lie detectors, some forces are working against our deception-detecting abilities. One such force is the truth bias, which leads us to believe that a person is telling the truth, especially if we know and like that person. Conversely, people with interpersonal trust issues and in occupations such as law enforcement may also have a lie bias, meaning they assume people are lying to them more often than not (Andersen, 1999).

Certain nonverbal cues have been associated with deception. Still, the problem is that these cues are also associated with other behaviours, which could lead you to assume someone is deceptive when nervous, guilty, or excited. In general, more expressive people are better deceivers, and people who are typically anxious are not good liars. Also, people who are better self-monitors (high emotional intelligence) are better deceivers because they are aware of verbal and nonverbal signals that may “give them away” and may be better able to control or account for them. Research also shows that people get better at lying as they get older because they learn more about the intricacies of communication signals, and they also get more time to practice (Andersen, 1999). Studies have found that actors, politicians, lawyers, and salespeople are also better liars because they are generally higher self-monitors and have learned to suppress internal feelings and monitor their external behaviours.

Deception and Communication Competence

Deception and nonverbal communication indicate that heightened arousal and increased cognitive demands contribute to the presence of nonverbal behaviours that can be associated with deception. Remember, however, that these nonverbal behaviours are not solely related to deception but manifest as a result of other emotional or cognitive states. Additionally, when people are falsely accused of deception, the signs that they exhibit as a result of the stress of being falsely accused are very similar to those exhibited by people engaging in deception.

There are common misconceptions about what behaviours are associated with deception. Behaviours mistakenly linked to deception include longer response times, slower speech rates, decreased eye contact, increased body movements, excessive swallowing, and less smiling. None of these have consistently been associated with deception (Andersen, 1999). As we have learned, people also tend to give more weight to nonverbal than verbal cues when evaluating the truthfulness of a message. This predisposition can lead us to focus on nonverbal cues while overlooking verbal signals of deception. Aside from nonverbal cues, also listen for inconsistencies in or contradictions between statements, which can also be used to tell when others are being deceptive. The following are some nonverbal signals associated with deception in research but be cautious about viewing these as absolutes since individual and contextual differences should also be considered.

Gestures. One of the most powerful associations between nonverbal behaviours and deception is the presence of adaptors. Self-touches, such as wringing hands and object-adaptors, such as playing with a pencil or messing with clothing, have been shown to correlate with deception. However, some highly experienced deceivers can control adaptors’ presence (Andersen, 1999).

Eye contact. Deceivers tend to use more eye contact when lying to friends, perhaps to increase feelings of immediacy or warmth, and less eye contact when lying to strangers. A review of many deception studies indicates that increased eye blinking is associated with deception, probably because of heightened arousal and cognitive activity (Andersen, 1999).

Facial expressions. People can intentionally use facial expressions to deceive; this may occur in five primary ways. People may show feelings that they do not have, show a higher intensity of feelings than they have, try to show no feelings, show less feelings than they have, or mask one feeling with another.

Vocalics. One of the most common nonverbal signs of deception is speech errors. As you will recall, verbal fillers and other speech disfluencies are studied as part of vocalics; examples include false starts, stutters, and fillers. An increase in verbal pitch may be associated with deception and is likely caused by heightened arousal and tension.

Chronemics. Speech turns are often thought to correspond to deception, but researchers have no consensus about the exact relationship. Deceivers talk less, especially in response to direct questions (Andersen, 1999).

References

Adler, R. B., Rolls, J. A., & Proctor, R.F., II. (2020). Looking out, looking in (4th Canadian ed.). Nelson.

Andersen, P. A. (1999). Nonverbal communication: Forms and functions. Mayfield.

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Ivy, D. E. (2010). Communication principles for a lifetime (4th ed.). Pearson

DePaulo, P. J. (1992). Applications of nonverbal behavior research in marketing and management. In R. S. Feldman (Ed.), Applications of nonverbal behavioral theories and research (pp. 63–87). Erlbaum.

Hargie, O. (2011). Skilled interpersonal interaction: Research, theory, and practice (5th ed.). Routledge.

McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (1995). Messages: Communication skills book (2nd ed.). New Harbinger Publications.

Pease, A., & Pease, B. (2017). The definitive book of body language. Bantam.

Image Attributions

Figure 4.3.1. You Lie! by Kevin Trotman. Licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

Attribution Statement

Content adapted, with editorial changes, from:

University of Minnesota Libraries Publishing. (2013). Communication in the real world [Adapted]. https://open.lib.umn.edu/communication/

Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License, except where otherwise noted.